Know your calling.

Two years ago, I dreamt of a growing church where I was warmly welcomed by, as far as I remember, children and the youth. I was overwhelmed with gladness because for some reasons, all I knew was that I thirst to serve God so much so I thought I've finally come to the right place. The walls were all painted in white, and there were banners everywhere. But what had caught my attention the most were the sculptures, images, icons, or to say it simply, idols that a born-again Christian must let go upon receiving Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior. They were displayed just there, in the church I first professed to be filled with anointing. And then suddenly, in my dream, I was walking away. I decided to leave as the youth were having their fellowship. But I promised myself one thing: I will come back.

Dreams cannot be fully remembered by most of us, and that's what I also believe so maybe what I narrated had some variations already from what I actually dreamt. But the whole point is there. I only remember most of the details again when I was singing during the praise and worship practice yesterday, all for the glory of God.

With nothing but a heart of service and worship, three things were revealed to me: white walls, banners, and strongholds.

The church I am serving now was the church I dreamt back then for if not, why would I even remember it again when it didn't make any sense to me at all during the past years? And as amazing as it sound like, the first time I attended this church, I was utterly inspired by the youth leaders who seemed devoted to serve God. But again as I was still confused of my calling, I left but I had no particular idea that I would come back.

The idols that I saw in my dream were the strongholds and the struggles this church had faced but in God's grace, the service goes on. After almost a year that I hadn't visited, I found out that many of the leaders left the church.

The path that you will have to take when you respond to God's calling is painful and hard. Sometimes you will walk alone, and sometimes even your family will discourage you from fulfilling God's plan in your life. But this reality has served as my motivation instead, rather than stopping me. I will not stop because God told me that He will make me strong, repeatedly, until my heart was moved. I will not stop because I'm tired of running away, asking God how exactly does he wants to use me.

I will not stop because this is my calling. And you know it's your calling when God speaks to you while you're doing what He planned for you to do.

***

'For God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men, while they slumber on their beds...' - Job 33:14-15

'And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams;' - Acts 2:17

Most High

 ***

You’ve granted me a gift

I dare not to feat

Because you’ve set me free

I saw hope out of chains

You showered me with love

 I once thought was out of grasp

But every night that I call onto you

I hear you whisper,

“My child, I love you,”

And in those nights I reply,

“I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever,”

Your very words, I utter

As my spirit delights in it

To the girl who still believes in forever.

Ayoko na!

 Why do we give up, when we could have leveled up?

Tuwing nahaharap tayo sa matinding problema, makikita ang taong pinaka-kinaiinisan natin, o 'di kaya'y papasok nanaman sa opisinang walang humpay ang trabaho, we tend to say that two words, 'AYOKO NA.' Dalawang salita lamang iyon, ngunit madaming definition. Maaaring ang taong nagsabi nu'n ay ineexaggerate lang ang sitwasyon, gusto lang mag-express at maingay, o kung malala na ang emotional breakdown, baka ang ibig sabhin na sa kanya nu'n e, suicide.

Naalala ko tuloy ang palaging kinakanta ng aking Ina, 'Strength arises we wait upon the Lord, WE WILL WAIT UPON THE LORD...' by Chris Tomlin, (listen to the song below). Minsang nasabi nya sa akin na hindi dapat tao ang hinihintay mo, kundi ang Panginoon na tutugon sa iyong mga panalangin. And then lately I realized, oo nga ano, kung ang purpose pala natin ay mabuhay para sa tao, para i-please sila, ay talagang mapapagod at mapapagod tayo. Pero kung si Lord ang sentro ng buhay natin, kung sa kanya umiikot lahat ng ginagawa natin, then everything works smoothly.

Galatians 2:20, 'I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.'

Kaya para sa mga taong hanggang ngayon, 'AYOKO NA' pa rin ang bukambibig (pasintabi sa Ate kong nurse na maganda), 'wag kang susuko, just move on. Don't quit, just take A STEP OF FAITH. Nakaya mo nga sa simula e, kayanin mo hanggang dulo. 

Kung ikaw naman ay nacoconfuse at hirap na hirap na kulang na lang magalit ka at nagising ka pa sa araw na 'to, MOVE ON. Oo, ang dali nanamang sabihin. Pero mahirap 'di ba? But God created us as social beings. Ayaw niya tayong lumayo sa tao at ikulong ang sarili natin para magmukmok. He wants us to interact, because He knows, we need a brother or a sister that will comfort us. Kung may problema ka, sabihin mo. Lumapit ka sa mga taong alam mong makakatulong sa'yo, hindi kung saan mapapariwara ka lang. God is the god of comfort, and since we are imitators of Jesus Christ, nananalaytay 'yan sa'tin, tayo, na mga anak ng Diyos. 

Kung dati'y nabubuhay ka para sa tao, move on, lumelevel up ka. Serve God. Kasi kapatid, this is not our home forever. Masayang mabuhay sa lupa na kasama natin ang Panginoon, what more sa langit kung saan kaharap na natin siya? 

Matthew 6:20, 'Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'

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*Everlasting God by Chris Tomlin: 

Sampung piso? Maliit na bagay.

You would never realize the substance of giving until you find reward in it.
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"Haynako, 'yang matandang uklubang 'yan, akala mo ambait bait..."

"Kapag 'di mo binigyan magagalit."

"Nagpapanggap na may sakit lang naman 'yan e."

Ilan lamang ito sa naririnig kong usap-usapan sa jeep tuwing may papasok na matanda at mag-aabot ng sobre, kung saan nakasulat ang nililimos na kaunting barya. Maayos at maganda ang sulat-kamay, hindi mo akalain galing sa isang taong tingin mo ay hindi nakapag-aral.

Nakakapang-duda naman talaga. Ako mismo ay hindi nagbibigay ng pera at baka sa sindikato lang mapunta. Ako mismo ay nababahala sa tuwing maiinis ang matandang pulubi kapag wala ni isa ang nagbibigay sa kanya.

Nanghihingi ka na nga lang e, bakit ka nagagalit?

Pero I have to admit, nakakaawa naman talagang pagmasdan si manong lalo na kung mainit at patuloy pa din siya sa pag-abang ng mga jeep. Kaya bago pa man magbakasyon, napagdesisyunan kong subukang mag-abot ng barya sa kanya, tutal sobrang loyal naman siya sa pag-aabot ng sobre sa mga pasahero. Ang plano ko ay tatlo o limang piso lamang, ngunit sa pag-aalala kong baka bigla nang umandar ang jeep at hindi makababa si manong, binunot ko na kung anong una kong nakita sa wallet ko: Ang sampung pisong gagamitin ko sana pangprint.

Sa mga oras na nag-abot ako ng kaunting tulong, ang nasa isip ko, saan kaya mapupunta ang sampung piso ko? Ipangkakain kaya niya? Ipambibili ng damit? O sa sindikato? But I knew, I only have to leave it to God. Wala namang magagawa ang mga pangamba ko e, so I realized I had to pray for him silently.

Makalipas ang ilang linggo, I was in the church and the message being preached was about, 'Judging others'. Naalala ko ang scenario sa jeep. Minsan talaga hindi na maiwasang manghusga ng mga tao lalo na kung sa tingin nila ay sobra na ang tinulong nila. But otherwise, judging with small knowledge of truth is still wrong. Who knows kung anong pinagdadaanan ng matandang 'yun?

Sa mga oras na nakaupo ako at nakikinig ng mensahe, naalala ko, kulang pala ang pamasahe ko pauwi. Naisip ko na lang, maglalakad nanaman ako, sobrang init lang naman sa labas pero keri lang. Exercise din. Though deep inside, tinatamad ako. Nuong malapit na matapos ang service, binuksan ko ang wallet ko at baka may barya pa 'kong naitago.

Aba, may sampung piso pa pala ako!

Napangiti na lamang ako at nagpasalamat sa Diyos dahil hindi ko na kailangan pang maglakad pauwi. Haha! And then I remembered, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Luke 6:38)

Surely, not just a ten-peso coin, but overflowing blessings God can grant you when you have the heart of giving.