Pray more, Rant less, and Be blessed this 2017!

Exhausting, draining, distressing, and thoroughly challenging -- this is how I describe 2016.

If the advice, "you're not the only one struggling and going through tough times in life so don't take it seriously" has some effect on others, then it's no comfort for me. I've set my standards too high -- walls too high that perfection itself is a stumbling block to what I really want to achieve. Often, I feel like I wanted to do things because I wanted the reward and not the experience; that I would plan but not live in the moment. Surely, there's no harm in planning nor there is in being goal-oriented and aiming for success.

The harm is when it becomes your life -- when your big dreams and big goals become your ruler when it should be the other way around. And then it becomes so tiring so you end up being frustrated.

(Source: https://mayazankoul.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/5-overworked.jpg?w=450)

But who knows frustration can be a blessing as well? I've been utterly disappointed in many things last year that I lost count of the times where I only cried soundly in my room because apparently there weren't any right words to soothe me. There was only His words and my complaints. There was only His comfort and my pain. God and me. His love and my love for Him.

(Source: https://t4.ftcdn.net/jpg/01/16/66/93/240_F_116669310_xTReAFo4gbG82HH1gigOWH21NPFyUrlI.jpg)

One night, as I was kneeling and praying, God has lead me to this passage: Isaiah 54:17 - "...no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD. 

The truth is, I was bothered of what tomorrow may bring me. Would I pass my thesis defense? Would I get a high grade for this output? And so on that particularly involves my college life. With all humility, I told God that I already did the best that I can do, so it was now his work to make his breakthrough. I told him that I want people to see His glory in me -- for them to blessed as well because I carry my Father's heritage. And indeed, He never fails. I am thankful because in my every accomplishment, God stood with me. I am thankful because my prayers had not been in vain.

"He who kneels before God can stand before anyone." - I love this quote so much because I've proven it many times now. And when praying just seems too difficult, I am reminded that I only need a sincere heart because God himself will guide me. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Romans 8:26).

So this 2017, I am expecting more challenges, perhaps bigger than the previous ones. After all, life struggles are always there but our choice on how we're going to deal with them prevails. As for me, I shall continue to pray and pray and pray, and follow His words because apart from Him, I know I am nothing. 

***

God's breakthrough in the life of Samson: A man of strength

I have always admired the story of Samson and how God has appointed him to fight against the Philistines even before he was born. His life could have been so much perfect, with the Lord always at his side, except for one stumbling-block that lead to one of the may tragedies in the Bible.

However much I want to discuss the entire life of Samson, these particular verses had me thinking the greatness of our God in the life of a chosen man, but in his early lifetime had acted in defiance of their law.

Source: https://andywrasman.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/samson.jpg

Judges 14:2

"(2)Then he came up and told his father and mother, 'I saw one of the daughters of the Philistine and Timnah. Now get her to me as my wife.'... (4) His father and mother did not know that it was from the Lord, for he was seeking an opportunity against the Philistines. At that time, the Philistines ruled over Israel."

Most of us may have only heard the names 'Samson and Delilah', and never of this Philistine woman. But it's interesting to note that Samson's first love is a woman against his belief and ways. It's interesting to note that God allowed this, only because he has greater plans out of a seemingly wrong decision.

Even though God knows everything about us, he still gives us the freedom to choose, to decide for ourselves because we have our free will. We can choose the people we want to be with, or the person we want to love as a partner. For who would ever be happy of a forced love, of forced marriage without mutual understanding?

The only problem is most of the time, our plans and our ways are far from what God has planned for us. But God can make something so wrong, so beautiful and proper. This doesn't mean he will approve of your evil deeds--what's sinful remains sinful, this only means that he can straighten your crooked path and take you out from the bondage of our sinful nature.

Samson's decision appears wrong in the eyes of the many, especially it is not within their culture to marry an enemy, but God has made a way to make it possible. "God, in his infinite wisdom and in the exercise of his sovereign power, allowed Samson to utilize his own freedom of choice--foolish though it was--yet the Lord turned the occasion into a victory for Israel over the oppressors." (https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/911-study-of-samson-faith-and-folly-a)

Sadly and unconsciously though, we keep abusing the free will God gave us for our own good. We've become forgetful that 'freedom' comes with God's words and that for us to check if our plans are align with God's, we must have the heart of 'willingness to obey-- to be used by God'. 

Just as Samson possessed 'Courage and Faith', we Christians must always equip ourselves to whatever and wherever God will take us. Sometimes it's the consequence of our sin that we have to be disciplined, and sometimes God just wants us to be put to test and see how long can we hold on. But remind ourselves, as the story of Samson tells us, it is not always about strength or courage or bravery; but faith, wisdom, and dependence to the Lord. 

God cannot break us and enter our lives, after all, if we are not on his side. God cannot pull us out from the pit of downfall, after all, if you keep closing and resisting a light to come even through the tiniest hole. You're all that he's waiting for; and no matter how far you'll go in this life hiding from him, running away from him, you can never silence that little voice coming from your heart--saying, "come back to me, child. You may not need me now, but I need you because I love you. I always do."

Know your calling.

Two years ago, I dreamt of a growing church where I was warmly welcomed by, as far as I remember, children and the youth. I was overwhelmed with gladness because for some reasons, all I knew was that I thirst to serve God so much so I thought I've finally come to the right place. The walls were all painted in white, and there were banners everywhere. But what had caught my attention the most were the sculptures, images, icons, or to say it simply, idols that a born-again Christian must let go upon receiving Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior. They were displayed just there, in the church I first professed to be filled with anointing. And then suddenly, in my dream, I was walking away. I decided to leave as the youth were having their fellowship. But I promised myself one thing: I will come back.

Dreams cannot be fully remembered by most of us, and that's what I also believe so maybe what I narrated had some variations already from what I actually dreamt. But the whole point is there. I only remember most of the details again when I was singing during the praise and worship practice yesterday, all for the glory of God.

With nothing but a heart of service and worship, three things were revealed to me: white walls, banners, and strongholds.

The church I am serving now was the church I dreamt back then for if not, why would I even remember it again when it didn't make any sense to me at all during the past years? And as amazing as it sound like, the first time I attended this church, I was utterly inspired by the youth leaders who seemed devoted to serve God. But again as I was still confused of my calling, I left but I had no particular idea that I would come back.

The idols that I saw in my dream were the strongholds and the struggles this church had faced but in God's grace, the service goes on. After almost a year that I hadn't visited, I found out that many of the leaders left the church.

The path that you will have to take when you respond to God's calling is painful and hard. Sometimes you will walk alone, and sometimes even your family will discourage you from fulfilling God's plan in your life. But this reality has served as my motivation instead, rather than stopping me. I will not stop because God told me that He will make me strong, repeatedly, until my heart was moved. I will not stop because I'm tired of running away, asking God how exactly does he wants to use me.

I will not stop because this is my calling. And you know it's your calling when God speaks to you while you're doing what He planned for you to do.

***

'For God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men, while they slumber on their beds...' - Job 33:14-15

'And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams;' - Acts 2:17

Most High

 ***

You’ve granted me a gift

I dare not to feat

Because you’ve set me free

I saw hope out of chains

You showered me with love

 I once thought was out of grasp

But every night that I call onto you

I hear you whisper,

“My child, I love you,”

And in those nights I reply,

“I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever,”

Your very words, I utter

As my spirit delights in it

To the girl who still believes in forever.

Ayoko na!

 Why do we give up, when we could have leveled up?

Tuwing nahaharap tayo sa matinding problema, makikita ang taong pinaka-kinaiinisan natin, o 'di kaya'y papasok nanaman sa opisinang walang humpay ang trabaho, we tend to say that two words, 'AYOKO NA.' Dalawang salita lamang iyon, ngunit madaming definition. Maaaring ang taong nagsabi nu'n ay ineexaggerate lang ang sitwasyon, gusto lang mag-express at maingay, o kung malala na ang emotional breakdown, baka ang ibig sabhin na sa kanya nu'n e, suicide.

Naalala ko tuloy ang palaging kinakanta ng aking Ina, 'Strength arises we wait upon the Lord, WE WILL WAIT UPON THE LORD...' by Chris Tomlin, (listen to the song below). Minsang nasabi nya sa akin na hindi dapat tao ang hinihintay mo, kundi ang Panginoon na tutugon sa iyong mga panalangin. And then lately I realized, oo nga ano, kung ang purpose pala natin ay mabuhay para sa tao, para i-please sila, ay talagang mapapagod at mapapagod tayo. Pero kung si Lord ang sentro ng buhay natin, kung sa kanya umiikot lahat ng ginagawa natin, then everything works smoothly.

Galatians 2:20, 'I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.'

Kaya para sa mga taong hanggang ngayon, 'AYOKO NA' pa rin ang bukambibig (pasintabi sa Ate kong nurse na maganda), 'wag kang susuko, just move on. Don't quit, just take A STEP OF FAITH. Nakaya mo nga sa simula e, kayanin mo hanggang dulo. 

Kung ikaw naman ay nacoconfuse at hirap na hirap na kulang na lang magalit ka at nagising ka pa sa araw na 'to, MOVE ON. Oo, ang dali nanamang sabihin. Pero mahirap 'di ba? But God created us as social beings. Ayaw niya tayong lumayo sa tao at ikulong ang sarili natin para magmukmok. He wants us to interact, because He knows, we need a brother or a sister that will comfort us. Kung may problema ka, sabihin mo. Lumapit ka sa mga taong alam mong makakatulong sa'yo, hindi kung saan mapapariwara ka lang. God is the god of comfort, and since we are imitators of Jesus Christ, nananalaytay 'yan sa'tin, tayo, na mga anak ng Diyos. 

Kung dati'y nabubuhay ka para sa tao, move on, lumelevel up ka. Serve God. Kasi kapatid, this is not our home forever. Masayang mabuhay sa lupa na kasama natin ang Panginoon, what more sa langit kung saan kaharap na natin siya? 

Matthew 6:20, 'Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'

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*Everlasting God by Chris Tomlin: 

Sampung piso? Maliit na bagay.

You would never realize the substance of giving until you find reward in it.
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"Haynako, 'yang matandang uklubang 'yan, akala mo ambait bait..."

"Kapag 'di mo binigyan magagalit."

"Nagpapanggap na may sakit lang naman 'yan e."

Ilan lamang ito sa naririnig kong usap-usapan sa jeep tuwing may papasok na matanda at mag-aabot ng sobre, kung saan nakasulat ang nililimos na kaunting barya. Maayos at maganda ang sulat-kamay, hindi mo akalain galing sa isang taong tingin mo ay hindi nakapag-aral.

Nakakapang-duda naman talaga. Ako mismo ay hindi nagbibigay ng pera at baka sa sindikato lang mapunta. Ako mismo ay nababahala sa tuwing maiinis ang matandang pulubi kapag wala ni isa ang nagbibigay sa kanya.

Nanghihingi ka na nga lang e, bakit ka nagagalit?

Pero I have to admit, nakakaawa naman talagang pagmasdan si manong lalo na kung mainit at patuloy pa din siya sa pag-abang ng mga jeep. Kaya bago pa man magbakasyon, napagdesisyunan kong subukang mag-abot ng barya sa kanya, tutal sobrang loyal naman siya sa pag-aabot ng sobre sa mga pasahero. Ang plano ko ay tatlo o limang piso lamang, ngunit sa pag-aalala kong baka bigla nang umandar ang jeep at hindi makababa si manong, binunot ko na kung anong una kong nakita sa wallet ko: Ang sampung pisong gagamitin ko sana pangprint.

Sa mga oras na nag-abot ako ng kaunting tulong, ang nasa isip ko, saan kaya mapupunta ang sampung piso ko? Ipangkakain kaya niya? Ipambibili ng damit? O sa sindikato? But I knew, I only have to leave it to God. Wala namang magagawa ang mga pangamba ko e, so I realized I had to pray for him silently.

Makalipas ang ilang linggo, I was in the church and the message being preached was about, 'Judging others'. Naalala ko ang scenario sa jeep. Minsan talaga hindi na maiwasang manghusga ng mga tao lalo na kung sa tingin nila ay sobra na ang tinulong nila. But otherwise, judging with small knowledge of truth is still wrong. Who knows kung anong pinagdadaanan ng matandang 'yun?

Sa mga oras na nakaupo ako at nakikinig ng mensahe, naalala ko, kulang pala ang pamasahe ko pauwi. Naisip ko na lang, maglalakad nanaman ako, sobrang init lang naman sa labas pero keri lang. Exercise din. Though deep inside, tinatamad ako. Nuong malapit na matapos ang service, binuksan ko ang wallet ko at baka may barya pa 'kong naitago.

Aba, may sampung piso pa pala ako!

Napangiti na lamang ako at nagpasalamat sa Diyos dahil hindi ko na kailangan pang maglakad pauwi. Haha! And then I remembered, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Luke 6:38)

Surely, not just a ten-peso coin, but overflowing blessings God can grant you when you have the heart of giving.