To the girl who still believes in forever.

Ayoko na!

 Why do we give up, when we could have leveled up?

Tuwing nahaharap tayo sa matinding problema, makikita ang taong pinaka-kinaiinisan natin, o 'di kaya'y papasok nanaman sa opisinang walang humpay ang trabaho, we tend to say that two words, 'AYOKO NA.' Dalawang salita lamang iyon, ngunit madaming definition. Maaaring ang taong nagsabi nu'n ay ineexaggerate lang ang sitwasyon, gusto lang mag-express at maingay, o kung malala na ang emotional breakdown, baka ang ibig sabhin na sa kanya nu'n e, suicide.

Naalala ko tuloy ang palaging kinakanta ng aking Ina, 'Strength arises we wait upon the Lord, WE WILL WAIT UPON THE LORD...' by Chris Tomlin, (listen to the song below). Minsang nasabi nya sa akin na hindi dapat tao ang hinihintay mo, kundi ang Panginoon na tutugon sa iyong mga panalangin. And then lately I realized, oo nga ano, kung ang purpose pala natin ay mabuhay para sa tao, para i-please sila, ay talagang mapapagod at mapapagod tayo. Pero kung si Lord ang sentro ng buhay natin, kung sa kanya umiikot lahat ng ginagawa natin, then everything works smoothly.

Galatians 2:20, 'I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.'

Kaya para sa mga taong hanggang ngayon, 'AYOKO NA' pa rin ang bukambibig (pasintabi sa Ate kong nurse na maganda), 'wag kang susuko, just move on. Don't quit, just take A STEP OF FAITH. Nakaya mo nga sa simula e, kayanin mo hanggang dulo. 

Kung ikaw naman ay nacoconfuse at hirap na hirap na kulang na lang magalit ka at nagising ka pa sa araw na 'to, MOVE ON. Oo, ang dali nanamang sabihin. Pero mahirap 'di ba? But God created us as social beings. Ayaw niya tayong lumayo sa tao at ikulong ang sarili natin para magmukmok. He wants us to interact, because He knows, we need a brother or a sister that will comfort us. Kung may problema ka, sabihin mo. Lumapit ka sa mga taong alam mong makakatulong sa'yo, hindi kung saan mapapariwara ka lang. God is the god of comfort, and since we are imitators of Jesus Christ, nananalaytay 'yan sa'tin, tayo, na mga anak ng Diyos. 

Kung dati'y nabubuhay ka para sa tao, move on, lumelevel up ka. Serve God. Kasi kapatid, this is not our home forever. Masayang mabuhay sa lupa na kasama natin ang Panginoon, what more sa langit kung saan kaharap na natin siya? 

Matthew 6:20, 'Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'

----------------------

*Everlasting God by Chris Tomlin: 

Sampung piso? Maliit na bagay.

You would never realize the substance of giving until you find reward in it.
-------------------

"Haynako, 'yang matandang uklubang 'yan, akala mo ambait bait..."

"Kapag 'di mo binigyan magagalit."

"Nagpapanggap na may sakit lang naman 'yan e."

Ilan lamang ito sa naririnig kong usap-usapan sa jeep tuwing may papasok na matanda at mag-aabot ng sobre, kung saan nakasulat ang nililimos na kaunting barya. Maayos at maganda ang sulat-kamay, hindi mo akalain galing sa isang taong tingin mo ay hindi nakapag-aral.

Nakakapang-duda naman talaga. Ako mismo ay hindi nagbibigay ng pera at baka sa sindikato lang mapunta. Ako mismo ay nababahala sa tuwing maiinis ang matandang pulubi kapag wala ni isa ang nagbibigay sa kanya.

Nanghihingi ka na nga lang e, bakit ka nagagalit?

Pero I have to admit, nakakaawa naman talagang pagmasdan si manong lalo na kung mainit at patuloy pa din siya sa pag-abang ng mga jeep. Kaya bago pa man magbakasyon, napagdesisyunan kong subukang mag-abot ng barya sa kanya, tutal sobrang loyal naman siya sa pag-aabot ng sobre sa mga pasahero. Ang plano ko ay tatlo o limang piso lamang, ngunit sa pag-aalala kong baka bigla nang umandar ang jeep at hindi makababa si manong, binunot ko na kung anong una kong nakita sa wallet ko: Ang sampung pisong gagamitin ko sana pangprint.

Sa mga oras na nag-abot ako ng kaunting tulong, ang nasa isip ko, saan kaya mapupunta ang sampung piso ko? Ipangkakain kaya niya? Ipambibili ng damit? O sa sindikato? But I knew, I only have to leave it to God. Wala namang magagawa ang mga pangamba ko e, so I realized I had to pray for him silently.

Makalipas ang ilang linggo, I was in the church and the message being preached was about, 'Judging others'. Naalala ko ang scenario sa jeep. Minsan talaga hindi na maiwasang manghusga ng mga tao lalo na kung sa tingin nila ay sobra na ang tinulong nila. But otherwise, judging with small knowledge of truth is still wrong. Who knows kung anong pinagdadaanan ng matandang 'yun?

Sa mga oras na nakaupo ako at nakikinig ng mensahe, naalala ko, kulang pala ang pamasahe ko pauwi. Naisip ko na lang, maglalakad nanaman ako, sobrang init lang naman sa labas pero keri lang. Exercise din. Though deep inside, tinatamad ako. Nuong malapit na matapos ang service, binuksan ko ang wallet ko at baka may barya pa 'kong naitago.

Aba, may sampung piso pa pala ako!

Napangiti na lamang ako at nagpasalamat sa Diyos dahil hindi ko na kailangan pang maglakad pauwi. Haha! And then I remembered, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Luke 6:38)

Surely, not just a ten-peso coin, but overflowing blessings God can grant you when you have the heart of giving. 

It takes some pride away

Often, I say to myself, 'I am a woman, so it's typical of me to be prideful in some way; and giving that up would cost me an effort'. A Christian woman however, would adhere to what God says in Proverbs 22:4, 'Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life'. So everytime I think that I am JUST a girl whose very nature could be pride and prejudice, God would always remind me that I am no longer that girl, but his daughter whose goal is to be Christ-like.

My Grandma, I must say, has been very VERY strict to the point that I actually thought I wasn't living in a home anymore. She says what she wants to say without considering the person she could be hurting; as long as her anger has not subsided, she would express every piercing word she could think of. If I were to relate it to some fairytale, I should say I am more of a Hansel and Gretel story where the candy-land-dream-house had suddenly become a nightmare because of a frightening wicked witch; or perhaps I could also be the lovely Aurora (a.k.a Sleeping Beauty) who voluntarily pricks herself because of the witch's curse. Oh, if I could just sleep for years like her. 

Anyway, I'm not saying that my Grandma is a witch (a bit though) nor a curse of sort. She just finds it too difficult to contain her anger so she acts that way. In fact recently, her latest dilemma is our allegedly 'disrespect' toward her. She keeps saying that we treat her like a maid and that we are so arrogant to the point that she longs to leave us. Well yes, she's old and all, so we really have to understand her. But the question is, how are we to manage our patience? How are we to prevent ourselves from being provoked to stand up and defend our side? If I were not a Christian, I must say I've probably announced another war. But thank God I AM a Christian! The only key I have each time my Grandma would get really angry with a reason not so significant is to keep silent and pray. This alone, does not solve the problem though. 

My sister must have known that our Grandma loves presents. So after going to church, we bought her a cake with a message dedicated to her, of course. 'Sorry lola. We love you. God bless' were the written words. My sister would have to go back to church and attend her ministry so I'm left to be the one to give it to our Grandma. On my way home I actually felt irritated. I was thinking that maybe she would dislike the idea of wasting money over a cake and things would just get worse. But again, I prayed. God knows we've done our part, so it's now His to settle things.

And voila! As soon as I got home I presented her the cake immediately, saying the words 'Sorry' all over again and kissed her really tight. I wasn't really the sweet type of person so it really took me a lot of prayer to do that. She was really touched that she almost cried, and in return I felt happy that God has done it. She said that as long as my sister would not arrive late at night (before 9 PM) anymore then she wouldn't get mad. Seems like we now have a stricter curfew.


'For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.' Ephesians 6:12. Hurting each other physically will not help. Solving it spiritually results to a lasting peace and harmony because God will be the center of everything. 

--------------------------------

Philippians 4:6 - 'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'

*Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures used above. I'm borrowing them for the purpose of illustrating.

In the midst of the storm

‘Just a sight of you.’ I keep saying to myself as I hardly walk through the fuming wind. By and by it whips like a lullaby, yet the trees falling and tangling with each other tells me how furious it is.

There is no one to see on the street but me. The people must have locked themselves in their homes, hoping to get warm and comforted while waiting for the storm to settle. I, myself, am longing to feel the warmth of sitting beside the fireplace, reading books I’ve bought recently, and perhaps enjoying my mother’s tea. But then something must be missing that will not keep me at ease even in the most comfortable house I could think of.

I remember being in the same situation just a year ago. It was not miserable as it is tonight, but it was raining hard as well. It was still daylight when mother asked me to buy a few things in the market, though due to bad weather I doubted if they were still selling. And indeed, upon arriving there were only three or four vendors on their posts, not selling but gathering all their stocks before they get soaked and gobbled by rats.

‘Mister, please I need three potatoes.’ I pleaded.

‘You should’ve come earlier, mademoiselle. All my potatoes are sold out. I only have the rotten ones as leftovers.’

‘Oh, what else can you sell me then?’ I insisted, hoping he still had.

‘Nothing but rotten goods young lady; we were flooded by buyers an hour ago. All were in a hurry because of the heavy storm.’ He continued packing and shoving his few boxes on a cart.

‘Where else can I go to? Do you know other marketplace outside the town?’ I asked.

‘There is one in the south across the bridge. It’s where the merchant guild is, so I presume they are not out of goods. But I don’t advise you to go there right now, mademoiselle. It’s a mile away from here, and it is too dangerous to travel either on foot or not.’

‘Well, thank you mister. I’ll be going now.’ I said, apparently refusing to heed his advice.

‘You must go home, mademoiselle!’ 

‘I’ll be careful!’ I waved and ran despite my heavy boots.

***

An hour must have passed, yet there was still no sight of a market. Again, the road I was crossing had seemed to be isolated, abandoned by the people who found shelter in their homes. I, alone, had the courage to face the storm, or perhaps I was wrong; perhaps there was someone like me who was brave enough to walk through the mist.

He was a nobleman, judging from his clothes. But where could he be off to? Why was he alone, thoroughly walking with nothing but himself?

‘Pardon me, sir. Where are you going?’ I asked, though I had to raise my voice against the rainfall.

‘I am lost. My horse has left me.’ He responded, almost shouting.

‘I am going to the marketplace, do you want to come?’ 

‘Where is it? Is it far?’

‘Yes, a bit. But there’s a bridge almost near to us. It’s a sign we’re a few steps from the market.’

‘I’ll come, but first let’s find a hut to rest for a while. I’m soaked!’ He wasn’t wearing any raincoat but bare clothes and his boots for riding, so he must feel really cold.

‘Alright, there must be a small hut nearby.’ I assured, hoping to find one indeed.

‘Hey, is that the bridge you’re saying?’ He spoke suddenly a few seconds after we were silent.

‘Yes! It must be. And look, there’s a hut near to it!’ I rejoiced at the sight of it. Truly, it was a miracle to find shelter.

‘Can we run?’ He then asked, perhaps he was more rejoicing than I was.

‘Yes, but…’ 

‘Come on!’

Before I could even say that I could not run fast because of my heavy boots, he grabbed my hand and pulled with him, as if the storm was chasing after us.

‘Thank God we survived.’ He sighed in relief as we finally reached the hut. 

He then took off his outer garments and hung it aside, while I also removed my raincoat and the boots I had been complaining was heavy.

‘How long are we to stay here? My mother is expecting me home, so I have to hurry.’ I said, thinking he might suggest we wait till his clothes were dry.

‘Perhaps when the rain isn’t too heavy anymore, then we can go. It will be easier for us to walk.’

‘But what if the rain is still the same an hour after?’ I asked, worried.

‘Then we continue waiting.’ He grinned, as if joking. 

‘Impossible. I have to go home!’

He then laughed at my sudden rage, and in that particular moment I couldn’t understand why I was beginning to smile as well, as though suddenly I was even more comfortable to be with him.

‘Sorry, I can’t help but laugh. It’s just odd to think that you come all the way here only wanting to go home.’

‘My mother would be worried.’ I sadly realized, quite regretting I did not listen to the mister who advised me to go home instead.

‘My servants would be searching for me right now, but I wish not to be found.’ In his eyes there was an abrupt sadness, and in his tone I felt there was something wrong.

‘What’s your name, my lord?’ I asked, recognizing his position in nobility. 

‘Louis, and please, right now we are friends. I am not your lord.’

‘That’s…a very kingly name…’ I commented in his royal name.

‘Yes, named after King Louis of France.’ He laughed once again; as if it was something he considered a joke. ‘How about you, what’s your name?’

‘Annie, sir.’ I uttered, apparently couldn’t help but address him with respect.

‘That’s a cute name, but again I am not sir. I’m just Louis, your friend.’

Yes, he was Louis, the friend I met in the storm. He was also the same Louis I fell in love with during summer. The memory of him confessing his love to me two months later is still fresh, and it shall never cease to cross my mind. Sometimes I ask; have I been bewitched by this charming lad? But then constantly, as if beating for him alone, my heart speaks of love.

‘You’re the only one who sees me for who I am, and the only girl I am in love with. You may not be a baroness, a countess, or a duchess, but you have the best title in my heart. Marry me, Annie.’

It makes my lips heave a smile as I remember him proposing and shouting in delight when I gave him my ‘yes’. The thought of his very words makes me forget I am under the will of the storm; whether I die or survive. But then perhaps it will not matter, for my lord, my prince Louis shall marry a nobility, of course. He was betrothed to a countess; for goodness’ sake I had no idea. He was a Prince, heir to the throne and I had not a single idea. But why, in the midst of this storm do I find hope when I know he is there, in the same small hut the first time we met, his clothes hung as if waiting for me before I take courage to find him.

‘I have come to say goodbye, Annie.’ He said silently. I wished he mouthed something else though, something like ‘I have come to take you as my wife, Annie.’ But perhaps it’s just the thought of gaining hope before my frailty overwhelms me. Perhaps he really isn’t there, saying anything.  

END

---------------

Certainly I am not inspired to write because of the storm, but rather of the hope God has given us that we shall overcome this calamity. "God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.  So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.  Let the oceans roar and foam.  Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!” - Psalm 46: 1-3.

In the story, Annie is nothing but a commoner, searching for someone beyond her reach. She has the love, the passion, and the hope to seek him despite knowing the risk she has to take under the storm. If perhaps we are in the same condition, do we have the same courage, the same hope that she has? Do we have the same faith that in spite of falling trees and seemingly disastrous country, God is with us? "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” - Hebrews 13:5. 

God is sure to welcome us in his shelter when we need one. God is sure to hold our hand when we ask him to. God is sure to embrace us when we need comfort. God is sure to be there for you, He only asks for your heart to come near him...God is sure to love you more than anyone else. God bless us all! :)

A sweet sister, indeed

Sometimes you would never know how much you truly mean to someone till you learn his/her thoughts of you. Now this is a letter from my sweet kikay sister. HAHA <3

February 24 2014 Monday

      Hi ate Sum, Nasa school ako ngayon. Just sitting and writing on this notebook as if I’m talking to you. You know what , I’m so proud that I have a sister like you . Because you are talented and you’re one of my inspiration. Thank you kasi sa mga guides na sinasabi mo sakin natututo ako lumaban. I don’t even know why I’m writing this to you because you did not know me this way. Kanina nahuli kami ni ma’am maingay. Binigyan tuloy kami ng punishment. Tapos ngayon pinalabas yung mga iba samin at iba naman naiwan sa classroom. Isa ako sa naiwan, nagtataka ako bakit kaya? Una ko naisip yung mga naiwan babagsak,pero hindi rin eh ang dami ko kasamang genius. Pero hanggang inexplain sa samin ni teacher na hindi naman kami babagsak ang babaw nga ng dahilan eh. Yes,buti nalang di ako babagsak! ah feel so good. Ate you know what, nung last exam namin sabi no ma’am may bumagsak daw sa math akala ko ako yun kasi ang baba ng score ko sa math, kinabahan tuloy ako muntik na nga ako umiyak eh. Tinanong tuloy ako ng classmate ko “why are you crying?” pasimple naman ako “uy hindi ah hinahawakan ko lang naman mata ko eh.” Sabi ko, galling ko talaga magtago ng feelings noh dapat kasi ate sum nandito ka para d na ako mahihirapan sa studies baka ng pag ikaw nagturo sakin maging best in math pa kao eh da best ka kasi. Ate sum pag nandyan na ako concert tayo ha hehehe minsan tuloy naririnig ako ng iba nahiya tuloy ako hahaha. Dapat hindi mo nalang ito mabasa kasi baka sabihin moa ng oa ko or baka maweirdohan ka sakin. Sorry ha di ko alam spelling ng weird. Pero ate, aaminin ki sayo nung umalis ka dito at iniwan mo kami nalungkot ako syempre, umiyak pa nga ko nun di mo lang nakita, anyway ayoko rin naman ipakita sayo na umiiyak ako . pero ijust realized na nung umalis ka dito I just knew that I can stand alone without relying on you. And you even teach me to not just rely on others, but there is someone that you can rely on and and will never leave you no matter what happen, and it’s God. Kayanga di na ako magtataka kung bakit matibay kayo eh, dahil alam ko na malapit kayo sa panginoon. Ate sum pagnandyan na ako group hug tayo ha, kasi miss namiss na kita ngayopalang. Siguro pagnandian na ako masayang masaya na ako, kasi kasama na kita. I love you ate sum. Wow FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER nasabi koi to sayo hehehe…Godbless

 -youre sweet loving sister Cyrene

EAT ALL YOU CAN

     Ang mga Pilipino, likas na mahilig sa mga UNLIMITED. Unli rice, bottomless drinks, free snacks, hanggang sa EAT ALL YOU CAN. Ayun nga lang, hindi mawawala ang NO SHARING and NO LEFTOVER rule. :)

     Tuwing pumupunta ako ng SM Dasmariñas, eto yung madalas kong mapansin. Hindi sa natatakam ako at gusto kong kumain. Nakaka-attract lang naman db? Yung buffet at MUKHANG masasarap na pagkain.
     Isang hapon noong pumunta kami nila mommy at ate sa SM. Nung una hindi namin alam kung saan kakain. Ang gusto ni ate dun sa may halo-halo. I forgot the name eh, and I won't bother mentioning it pa. Haha. Ang gusto ni mommy yung sapin-sapin daw talaga. Ilang beses na niyang minention habang bumibiyahe kami. Ako tahimik lang. Pero ayoko talaga ng sinasabi nila kasi puro lutong bahay. And sawang-sawa na po ako dun. I love McDo eh. I love preservatives. Dejk. Haha. So ayun, nung nasa SM na kami at nakita itong nkaka-attract na Bario Fiesta, agad agad pumasok na ang aking ina para lang sa sapin-sapin. Once in a lifetime na lang daw kasi, at miss na miss na niya dahil wala nga iyon sa Doha. So syempre, dun kami sa EAT ALL YOU CAN merienda.
     P130 per person lang naman. So sulit na iyon para sa'min. Pero honestly para sakin hindi kasi I love McDo talaga. HAHA.  So anyway, dahil nga miss na miss ni mommy, andami dami niyang kinuha. Pero malalagkit na foods. Yung tipong hindi pa niya nauubos yung isang plato, kukuha nanaman siya ng panibago. Nasanay kasi sa Doha na kuha lang ng kuha, at kapag ayaw na nung pagkain, ok lang kahit ubusin. Ayun nga lang, nakalimutan na ang GOLDEN rule.
     Any LEFT OVERS will be charged P260 LANG naman. Una pa lang sinabi na ni ate kay mommy na magdahan dahan kasi may bayad ang ano mang uri ng tira. Pero wala eh, hindi daw totoo yun. Buti na lang may nakapaskil about sa mga rules. Kung kelan napakadami ng nakuha ni mommy.
So syempre, ang laking kawalan naman sa'amin yun kung babayaran namin yung mga pagkaing hindi namin naubos. Kaya NO CHOICE kundi ubusin.
     Masarap naman ang sapin-sapin at iba pang mga putahe. (Except na lang dun sa palitaw na walang lasa pero mejo mapait) Ngunit sa dami ba naman ng malalagkit na nakain ko sa araw na iyon, for once, natakot ako sa pagkain. For the first time ayoko na ng UNLIMITED.

Lesson learned. Hindi din maganda ang sobra-sobra. Sakto lang.

Anyway, naubos naman namin eh. So hindi kami nagbayad.Mabigat lang talaga sa tyan.