Martes, Setyembre 26, 2017

When future becomes too much of a burden

Are you happy?

Source: Retrogodesses Vintage kids


When you’re having a conversation with your friends, family, relatives, or new acquaintances, are you happy?

Is your mind present or half of it is already thinking about tomorrow?

I remember one meaningful conversation I had with one of my closest friends back in college. I told him I would be working very hard because I want a fortune. I want a car. I want a big house. Everything materialistic under the sun. He laughed at me and said it can’t be done at once. There has to be a process, and it takes time. I was quite immature so I got annoyed at him while he explained that he was just being practical in life. I understood him even then. But in my futuristic point of view, he was a dream-crusher.

Although a writer and a very keen reader of historical fiction, I am, in fact, a futuristic person. Join me in a conversation and talk about your plans or goals in life, you would find me more enthusiastic than ever. I love talking about how I see myself in the future no matter how impossible it may seem. I love thinking that everything that’s happening to me at the moment is a stepping stone to the glorious future that awaits me. I love planning ahead so when I work on something, it has to be close to perfection because my future lies on it.

But I hate worrying about the future.

Whenever I am too happy or laughing too much in a supposed to be leisure time, half of my thoughts are already into sadness that may come later on. There would always be a moment of silence in my mind whispering, ‘hey, don’t be so happy. It won’t last. It won’t last.’

This isn’t healthy for a spiritually growing Christian. Because when you worry too much, you doubt a faithful God!

“And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.

For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

‘Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.’”

(Luke 12:28-32)

I have a Father who is in heaven—who holds everything and makes an empty basket full and overflowing!

It’s not wrong to dream big, aim for excellence, or plan more than what you need. Such character is actually good because it means you are living for a purpose—and so you cannot settle for less. The problem is when you don’t even know how to live in the moment anymore because your future self has eaten you up.

What I normally do when I look at things I want in the future is utter brief prayers in my mind.

Every time I get to see a car display, I would slow down walking, stare at it, and tell my God, ‘Lord, bless me with a car. In your perfect time.’

Every time I find myself overwhelmed with my schedule in the next few days, I would again pray, ‘Lord, just let me find joy in what’s going to happen today.’

Every time I worry that today’s moments would end too soon, I would say briefly, ‘Lord, just let me cherish the moment so I can smile or laugh about them when I’m feeling down.’

And the list of prayers goes on. It’s not everyday that you’re going to encounter or see the same persons, the same events; so make it a habit to condition your mind into having worry-free thoughts.


Live in the moment. 

Miyerkules, Mayo 10, 2017

I hate myself for turning the negative into positive.

Yes, the title says it all.

I often hate myself for being too kind, understanding, and most of all optimistic; when I have been wishing to keep the pain so the people who have mistreated me would just shy away because they would feel my hatred. I know this sounds too "unhealthy", but I also know everyone has--or may still be experiencing the same feeling. At some point, you knew that "forgiving" would cost you too much, yet you had to let go because you have to free yourself.

Source: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/12/3c/27/123c27912215e230d82377cddd94c8aa.jpg


So how did I come up with such a vague statement? Because after letting go of the burden and being able to smile genuinely to the person who has caused me pain, I would question myself if I ever value my pride. For others, you are strong when you know how to distance and ignore those people--apologetic or not. Some says you are cool if you stood up to you enemy. But perhaps there's just a variety of defense mechanism and it so happened that mine is simply not too complicated.

Whenever I feel wronged, I know it's normal to be angry or sad. I tend to be sad and for some reasons I encounter emptiness. I could sleep for 13 hours or more, or date myself with really nowhere to go to, or work nonstop when I'm emotionally hurting. Most of the time I would solve my sorrow all by myself, knowing that no one could ever soothe me except that one person whom I might still want to be back in my life. Most of the time I would wait. But waiting means longing, and longing means heartache.

When I could no longer endure it, I knew seeking help would make me feel better; I knew I had to pray because my human instincts alone could never ease my growing pain. Those were the moments when I get to realize that it's fine to be weak sometimes, because weak moments will strengthen you further; and gaining back strength does not mean "pay back time", but an indication that you have overcome the negativity.

Yes, I still hate myself for being too kind sometimes. But at the end of the day, I am happy to realize that I am free.

***

Psalm 28:1-2
"To you, O LORD, I call; My rock, do not be deaf to me, for if you are silent to me, I will become like those who go down to the pit. Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to you for help, when I lift up my hands toward you holy sanctuary..."

Sabado, Disyembre 31, 2016

Pray more, Rant less, and Be blessed this 2017!

Exhausting, draining, distressing, and thoroughly challenging -- this is how I describe 2016.

If the advice, "you're not the only one struggling and going through tough times in life so don't take it seriously" has some effect on others, then it's no comfort for me. I've set my standards too high -- walls too high that perfection itself is a stumbling block to what I really want to achieve. Often, I feel like I wanted to do things because I wanted the reward and not the experience; that I would plan but not live in the moment. Surely, there's no harm in planning nor there is in being goal-oriented and aiming for success.

The harm is when it becomes your life -- when your big dreams and big goals become your ruler when it should be the other way around. And then it becomes so tiring so you end up being frustrated.
(Source: https://mayazankoul.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/5-overworked.jpg?w=450)
But who knows frustration can be a blessing as well? I've been utterly disappointed in many things last year that I lost count of the times where I only cried soundly in my room because apparently there weren't any right words to soothe me. There was only His words and my complaints. There was only His comfort and my pain. God and me. His love and my love for Him.

(Source: https://t4.ftcdn.net/jpg/01/16/66/93/240_F_116669310_xTReAFo4gbG82HH1gigOWH21NPFyUrlI.jpg)
One night, as I was kneeling and praying, God has lead me to this passage: Isaiah 54:17 - "...no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD. 

The truth is, I was bothered of what tomorrow may bring me. Would I pass my thesis defense? Would I get a high grade for this output? And so on that particularly involves my college life. With all humility, I told God that I already did the best that I can do, so it was now his work to make his breakthrough. I told him that I want people to see His glory in me -- for them to blessed as well because I carry my Father's heritage. And indeed, He never fails. I am thankful because in my every accomplishment, God stood with me. I am thankful because my prayers had not been in vain.


"He who kneels before God can stand before anyone." - I love this quote so much because I've proven it many times now. And when praying just seems too difficult, I am reminded that I only need a sincere heart because God himself will guide me. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Romans 8:26).


So this 2017, I am expecting more challenges, perhaps bigger than the previous ones. After all, life struggles are always there but our choice on how we're going to deal with them prevails. As for me, I shall continue to pray and pray and pray, and follow His words because apart from Him, I know I am nothing. 



***




Huwebes, Marso 24, 2016

God's breakthrough in the life of Samson: A man of strength

I have always admired the story of Samson and how God has appointed him to fight against the Philistines even before he was born. His life could have been so much perfect, with the Lord always at his side, except for one stumbling-block that lead to one of the may tragedies in the Bible.

However much I want to discuss the entire life of Samson, these particular verses had me thinking the greatness of our God in the life of a chosen man, but in his early lifetime had acted in defiance of their law.

Source: https://andywrasman.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/samson.jpg

Judges 14:2

"(2)Then he came up and told his father and mother, 'I saw one of the daughters of the Philistine and Timnah. Now get her to me as my wife.'... (4) His father and mother did not know that it was from the Lord, for he was seeking an opportunity against the Philistines. At that time, the Philistines ruled over Israel."

Most of us may have only heard the names 'Samson and Delilah', and never of this Philistine woman. But it's interesting to note that Samson's first love is a woman against his belief and ways. It's interesting to note that God allowed this, only because he has greater plans out of a seemingly wrong decision.

Even though God knows everything about us, he still gives us the freedom to choose, to decide for ourselves because we have our free will. We can choose the people we want to be with, or the person we want to love as a partner. For who would ever be happy of a forced love, of forced marriage without mutual understanding?

The only problem is most of the time, our plans and our ways are far from what God has planned for us. But God can make something so wrong, so beautiful and proper. This doesn't mean he will approve of your evil deeds--what's sinful remains sinful, this only means that he can straighten your crooked path and take you out from the bondage of our sinful nature.

Samson's decision appears wrong in the eyes of the many, especially it is not within their culture to marry an enemy, but God has made a way to make it possible. "God, in his infinite wisdom and in the exercise of his sovereign power, allowed Samson to utilize his own freedom of choice--foolish though it was--yet the Lord turned the occasion into a victory for Israel over the oppressors." (https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/911-study-of-samson-faith-and-folly-a)

Sadly and unconsciously though, we keep abusing the free will God gave us for our own good. We've become forgetful that 'freedom' comes with God's words and that for us to check if our plans are align with God's, we must have the heart of 'willingness to obey-- to be used by God'. 

Just as Samson possessed 'Courage and Faith', we Christians must always equip ourselves to whatever and wherever God will take us. Sometimes it's the consequence of our sin that we have to be disciplined, and sometimes God just wants us to be put to test and see how long can we hold on. But remind ourselves, as the story of Samson tells us, it is not always about strength or courage or bravery; but faith, wisdom, and dependence to the Lord. 

God cannot break us and enter our lives, after all, if we are not on his side. God cannot pull us out from the pit of downfall, after all, if you keep closing and resisting a light to come even through the tiniest hole. You're all that he's waiting for; and no matter how far you'll go in this life hiding from him, running away from him, you can never silence that little voice coming from your heart--saying, "come back to me, child. You may not need me now, but I need you because I love you. I always do."



Sabado, Disyembre 12, 2015

Know your calling.

Two years ago, I dreamt of a growing church where I was warmly welcomed by, as far as I remember, children and the youth. I was overwhelmed with gladness because for some reasons, all I knew was that I thirst to serve God so much so I thought I've finally come to the right place. The walls were all painted in white, and there were banners everywhere. But what had caught my attention the most were the sculptures, images, icons, or to say it simply, idols that a born-again Christian must let go upon receiving Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior. They were displayed just there, in the church I first professed to be filled with anointing. And then suddenly, in my dream, I was walking away. I decided to leave as the youth were having their fellowship. But I promised myself one thing: I will come back.



Dreams cannot be fully remembered by most of us, and that's what I also believe so maybe what I narrated had some variations already from what I actually dreamt. But the whole point is there. I only remember most of the details again when I was singing during the praise and worship practice yesterday, all for the glory of God.

With nothing but a heart of service and worship, three things were revealed to me: white walls, banners, and strongholds.

The church I am serving now was the church I dreamt back then for if not, why would I even remember it again when it didn't make any sense to me at all during the past years? And as amazing as it sound like, the first time I attended this church, I was utterly inspired by the youth leaders who seemed devoted to serve God. But again as I was still confused of my calling, I left but I had no particular idea that I would come back.

The idols that I saw in my dream were the strongholds and the struggles this church had faced but in God's grace, the service goes on. After almost a year that I hadn't visited, I found out that many of the leaders left the church.

The path that you will have to take when you respond to God's calling is painful and hard. Sometimes you will walk alone, and sometimes even your family will discourage you from fulfilling God's plan in your life. But this reality has served as my motivation instead, rather than stopping me. I will not stop because God told me that He will make me strong, repeatedly, until my heart was moved. I will not stop because I'm tired of running away, asking God how exactly does he wants to use me.



I will not stop because this is my calling. And you know it's your calling when God speaks to you while you're doing what He planned for you to do.

***

'For God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men, while they slumber on their beds...' - Job 33:14-15

'And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams;' - Acts 2:17

Sabado, Nobyembre 7, 2015

Most High




 ***
You’ve granted me a gift
I dare not to feat
Because you’ve set me free
I saw hope out of chains
You showered me with love
 I once thought was out of grasp
But every night that I call onto you
I hear you whisper,
“My child, I love you,”
And in those nights I reply,
“I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever,”
Your very words, I utter
As my spirit delights in it

Huwebes, Mayo 28, 2015

Ayoko na!

 Why do we give up, when we could have leveled up?


Tuwing nahaharap tayo sa matinding problema, makikita ang taong pinaka-kinaiinisan natin, o 'di kaya'y papasok nanaman sa opisinang walang humpay ang trabaho, we tend to say that two words, 'AYOKO NA.' Dalawang salita lamang iyon, ngunit madaming definition. Maaaring ang taong nagsabi nu'n ay ineexaggerate lang ang sitwasyon, gusto lang mag-express at maingay, o kung malala na ang emotional breakdown, baka ang ibig sabhin na sa kanya nu'n e, suicide.

Naalala ko tuloy ang palaging kinakanta ng aking Ina, 'Strength arises we wait upon the Lord, WE WILL WAIT UPON THE LORD...' by Chris Tomlin, (listen to the song below). Minsang nasabi nya sa akin na hindi dapat tao ang hinihintay mo, kundi ang Panginoon na tutugon sa iyong mga panalangin. And then lately I realized, oo nga ano, kung ang purpose pala natin ay mabuhay para sa tao, para i-please sila, ay talagang mapapagod at mapapagod tayo. Pero kung si Lord ang sentro ng buhay natin, kung sa kanya umiikot lahat ng ginagawa natin, then everything works smoothly.

Galatians 2:20, 'I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.'

Kaya para sa mga taong hanggang ngayon, 'AYOKO NA' pa rin ang bukambibig (pasintabi sa Ate kong nurse na maganda), 'wag kang susuko, just move on. Don't quit, just take A STEP OF FAITH. Nakaya mo nga sa simula e, kayanin mo hanggang dulo. 

Kung ikaw naman ay nacoconfuse at hirap na hirap na kulang na lang magalit ka at nagising ka pa sa araw na 'to, MOVE ON. Oo, ang dali nanamang sabihin. Pero mahirap 'di ba? But God created us as social beings. Ayaw niya tayong lumayo sa tao at ikulong ang sarili natin para magmukmok. He wants us to interact, because He knows, we need a brother or a sister that will comfort us. Kung may problema ka, sabihin mo. Lumapit ka sa mga taong alam mong makakatulong sa'yo, hindi kung saan mapapariwara ka lang. God is the god of comfort, and since we are imitators of Jesus Christ, nananalaytay 'yan sa'tin, tayo, na mga anak ng Diyos. 

Kung dati'y nabubuhay ka para sa tao, move on, lumelevel up ka. Serve God. Kasi kapatid, this is not our home forever. Masayang mabuhay sa lupa na kasama natin ang Panginoon, what more sa langit kung saan kaharap na natin siya? 

Matthew 6:20, 'Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'

----------------------

*Everlasting God by Chris Tomlin: 

Sabado, Abril 11, 2015

Sampung piso? Maliit na bagay.


You would never realize the substance of giving until you find reward in it.
-------------------


"Haynako, 'yang matandang uklubang 'yan, akala mo ambait bait..."

"Kapag 'di mo binigyan magagalit."

"Nagpapanggap na may sakit lang naman 'yan e."

Ilan lamang ito sa naririnig kong usap-usapan sa jeep tuwing may papasok na matanda at mag-aabot ng sobre, kung saan nakasulat ang nililimos na kaunting barya. Maayos at maganda ang sulat-kamay, hindi mo akalain galing sa isang taong tingin mo ay hindi nakapag-aral.

Nakakapang-duda naman talaga. Ako mismo ay hindi nagbibigay ng pera at baka sa sindikato lang mapunta. Ako mismo ay nababahala sa tuwing maiinis ang matandang pulubi kapag wala ni isa ang nagbibigay sa kanya.

Nanghihingi ka na nga lang e, bakit ka nagagalit?

Pero I have to admit, nakakaawa naman talagang pagmasdan si manong lalo na kung mainit at patuloy pa din siya sa pag-abang ng mga jeep. Kaya bago pa man magbakasyon, napagdesisyunan kong subukang mag-abot ng barya sa kanya, tutal sobrang loyal naman siya sa pag-aabot ng sobre sa mga pasahero. Ang plano ko ay tatlo o limang piso lamang, ngunit sa pag-aalala kong baka bigla nang umandar ang jeep at hindi makababa si manong, binunot ko na kung anong una kong nakita sa wallet ko: Ang sampung pisong gagamitin ko sana pangprint.

Sa mga oras na nag-abot ako ng kaunting tulong, ang nasa isip ko, saan kaya mapupunta ang sampung piso ko? Ipangkakain kaya niya? Ipambibili ng damit? O sa sindikato? But I knew, I only have to leave it to God. Wala namang magagawa ang mga pangamba ko e, so I realized I had to pray for him silently.

Makalipas ang ilang linggo, I was in the church and the message being preached was about, 'Judging others'. Naalala ko ang scenario sa jeep. Minsan talaga hindi na maiwasang manghusga ng mga tao lalo na kung sa tingin nila ay sobra na ang tinulong nila. But otherwise, judging with small knowledge of truth is still wrong. Who knows kung anong pinagdadaanan ng matandang 'yun?

Sa mga oras na nakaupo ako at nakikinig ng mensahe, naalala ko, kulang pala ang pamasahe ko pauwi. Naisip ko na lang, maglalakad nanaman ako, sobrang init lang naman sa labas pero keri lang. Exercise din. Though deep inside, tinatamad ako. Nuong malapit na matapos ang service, binuksan ko ang wallet ko at baka may barya pa 'kong naitago.

Aba, may sampung piso pa pala ako!

Napangiti na lamang ako at nagpasalamat sa Diyos dahil hindi ko na kailangan pang maglakad pauwi. Haha! And then I remembered, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Luke 6:38)

Surely, not just a ten-peso coin, but overflowing blessings God can grant you when you have the heart of giving. 


Sabado, Oktubre 4, 2014

It takes some pride away

Often, I say to myself, 'I am a woman, so it's typical of me to be prideful in some way; and giving that up would cost me an effort'. A Christian woman however, would adhere to what God says in Proverbs 22:4, 'Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life'. So everytime I think that I am JUST a girl whose very nature could be pride and prejudice, God would always remind me that I am no longer that girl, but his daughter whose goal is to be Christ-like.


My Grandma, I must say, has been very VERY strict to the point that I actually thought I wasn't living in a home anymore. She says what she wants to say without considering the person she could be hurting; as long as her anger has not subsided, she would express every piercing word she could think of. If I were to relate it to some fairytale, I should say I am more of a Hansel and Gretel story where the candy-land-dream-house had suddenly become a nightmare because of a frightening wicked witch; or perhaps I could also be the lovely Aurora (a.k.a Sleeping Beauty) who voluntarily pricks herself because of the witch's curse. Oh, if I could just sleep for years like her. 



Anyway, I'm not saying that my Grandma is a witch (a bit though) nor a curse of sort. She just finds it too difficult to contain her anger so she acts that way. In fact recently, her latest dilemma is our allegedly 'disrespect' toward her. She keeps saying that we treat her like a maid and that we are so arrogant to the point that she longs to leave us. Well yes, she's old and all, so we really have to understand her. But the question is, how are we to manage our patience? How are we to prevent ourselves from being provoked to stand up and defend our side? If I were not a Christian, I must say I've probably announced another war. But thank God I AM a Christian! The only key I have each time my Grandma would get really angry with a reason not so significant is to keep silent and pray. This alone, does not solve the problem though. 

My sister must have known that our Grandma loves presents. So after going to church, we bought her a cake with a message dedicated to her, of course. 'Sorry lola. We love you. God bless' were the written words. My sister would have to go back to church and attend her ministry so I'm left to be the one to give it to our Grandma. On my way home I actually felt irritated. I was thinking that maybe she would dislike the idea of wasting money over a cake and things would just get worse. But again, I prayed. God knows we've done our part, so it's now His to settle things.

And voila! As soon as I got home I presented her the cake immediately, saying the words 'Sorry' all over again and kissed her really tight. I wasn't really the sweet type of person so it really took me a lot of prayer to do that. She was really touched that she almost cried, and in return I felt happy that God has done it. She said that as long as my sister would not arrive late at night (before 9 PM) anymore then she wouldn't get mad. Seems like we now have a stricter curfew.


'For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.' Ephesians 6:12. Hurting each other physically will not help. Solving it spiritually results to a lasting peace and harmony because God will be the center of everything. 

--------------------------------

Philippians 4:6 - 'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'



*Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures used above. I'm borrowing them for the purpose of illustrating.









Biyernes, Hulyo 18, 2014

In the midst of the storm




‘Just a sight of you.’ I keep saying to myself as I hardly walk through the fuming wind. By and by it whips like a lullaby, yet the trees falling and tangling with each other tells me how furious it is.


There is no one to see on the street but me. The people must have locked themselves in their homes, hoping to get warm and comforted while waiting for the storm to settle. I, myself, am longing to feel the warmth of sitting beside the fireplace, reading books I’ve bought recently, and perhaps enjoying my mother’s tea. But then something must be missing that will not keep me at ease even in the most comfortable house I could think of.


I remember being in the same situation just a year ago. It was not miserable as it is tonight, but it was raining hard as well. It was still daylight when mother asked me to buy a few things in the market, though due to bad weather I doubted if they were still selling. And indeed, upon arriving there were only three or four vendors on their posts, not selling but gathering all their stocks before they get soaked and gobbled by rats.


‘Mister, please I need three potatoes.’ I pleaded.


‘You should’ve come earlier, mademoiselle. All my potatoes are sold out. I only have the rotten ones as leftovers.’


‘Oh, what else can you sell me then?’ I insisted, hoping he still had.


‘Nothing but rotten goods young lady; we were flooded by buyers an hour ago. All were in a hurry because of the heavy storm.’ He continued packing and shoving his few boxes on a cart.


‘Where else can I go to? Do you know other marketplace outside the town?’ I asked.


‘There is one in the south across the bridge. It’s where the merchant guild is, so I presume they are not out of goods. But I don’t advise you to go there right now, mademoiselle. It’s a mile away from here, and it is too dangerous to travel either on foot or not.’


‘Well, thank you mister. I’ll be going now.’ I said, apparently refusing to heed his advice.

‘You must go home, mademoiselle!’ 


‘I’ll be careful!’ I waved and ran despite my heavy boots.


***


An hour must have passed, yet there was still no sight of a market. Again, the road I was crossing had seemed to be isolated, abandoned by the people who found shelter in their homes. I, alone, had the courage to face the storm, or perhaps I was wrong; perhaps there was someone like me who was brave enough to walk through the mist.


He was a nobleman, judging from his clothes. But where could he be off to? Why was he alone, thoroughly walking with nothing but himself?


‘Pardon me, sir. Where are you going?’ I asked, though I had to raise my voice against the rainfall.


‘I am lost. My horse has left me.’ He responded, almost shouting.


‘I am going to the marketplace, do you want to come?’ 


‘Where is it? Is it far?’


‘Yes, a bit. But there’s a bridge almost near to us. It’s a sign we’re a few steps from the market.’


‘I’ll come, but first let’s find a hut to rest for a while. I’m soaked!’ He wasn’t wearing any raincoat but bare clothes and his boots for riding, so he must feel really cold.


‘Alright, there must be a small hut nearby.’ I assured, hoping to find one indeed.


‘Hey, is that the bridge you’re saying?’ He spoke suddenly a few seconds after we were silent.


‘Yes! It must be. And look, there’s a hut near to it!’ I rejoiced at the sight of it. Truly, it was a miracle to find shelter.


‘Can we run?’ He then asked, perhaps he was more rejoicing than I was.


‘Yes, but…’ 


‘Come on!’


Before I could even say that I could not run fast because of my heavy boots, he grabbed my hand and pulled with him, as if the storm was chasing after us.


‘Thank God we survived.’ He sighed in relief as we finally reached the hut. 


He then took off his outer garments and hung it aside, while I also removed my raincoat and the boots I had been complaining was heavy.


‘How long are we to stay here? My mother is expecting me home, so I have to hurry.’ I said, thinking he might suggest we wait till his clothes were dry.


‘Perhaps when the rain isn’t too heavy anymore, then we can go. It will be easier for us to walk.’


‘But what if the rain is still the same an hour after?’ I asked, worried.


‘Then we continue waiting.’ He grinned, as if joking. 


‘Impossible. I have to go home!’


He then laughed at my sudden rage, and in that particular moment I couldn’t understand why I was beginning to smile as well, as though suddenly I was even more comfortable to be with him.


‘Sorry, I can’t help but laugh. It’s just odd to think that you come all the way here only wanting to go home.’


‘My mother would be worried.’ I sadly realized, quite regretting I did not listen to the mister who advised me to go home instead.


‘My servants would be searching for me right now, but I wish not to be found.’ In his eyes there was an abrupt sadness, and in his tone I felt there was something wrong.


‘What’s your name, my lord?’ I asked, recognizing his position in nobility. 


‘Louis, and please, right now we are friends. I am not your lord.’


‘That’s…a very kingly name…’ I commented in his royal name.


‘Yes, named after King Louis of France.’ He laughed once again; as if it was something he considered a joke. ‘How about you, what’s your name?’


‘Annie, sir.’ I uttered, apparently couldn’t help but address him with respect.


‘That’s a cute name, but again I am not sir. I’m just Louis, your friend.’


Yes, he was Louis, the friend I met in the storm. He was also the same Louis I fell in love with during summer. The memory of him confessing his love to me two months later is still fresh, and it shall never cease to cross my mind. Sometimes I ask; have I been bewitched by this charming lad? But then constantly, as if beating for him alone, my heart speaks of love.


‘You’re the only one who sees me for who I am, and the only girl I am in love with. You may not be a baroness, a countess, or a duchess, but you have the best title in my heart. Marry me, Annie.’


It makes my lips heave a smile as I remember him proposing and shouting in delight when I gave him my ‘yes’. The thought of his very words makes me forget I am under the will of the storm; whether I die or survive. But then perhaps it will not matter, for my lord, my prince Louis shall marry a nobility, of course. He was betrothed to a countess; for goodness’ sake I had no idea. He was a Prince, heir to the throne and I had not a single idea. But why, in the midst of this storm do I find hope when I know he is there, in the same small hut the first time we met, his clothes hung as if waiting for me before I take courage to find him.


‘I have come to say goodbye, Annie.’ He said silently. I wished he mouthed something else though, something like ‘I have come to take you as my wife, Annie.’ But perhaps it’s just the thought of gaining hope before my frailty overwhelms me. Perhaps he really isn’t there, saying anything.  


END

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Certainly I am not inspired to write because of the storm, but rather of the hope God has given us that we shall overcome this calamity. "God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.  So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.  Let the oceans roar and foam.  Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!” - Psalm 46: 1-3.
In the story, Annie is nothing but a commoner, searching for someone beyond her reach. She has the love, the passion, and the hope to seek him despite knowing the risk she has to take under the storm. If perhaps we are in the same condition, do we have the same courage, the same hope that she has? Do we have the same faith that in spite of falling trees and seemingly disastrous country, God is with us? "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” - Hebrews 13:5. 

God is sure to welcome us in his shelter when we need one. God is sure to hold our hand when we ask him to. God is sure to embrace us when we need comfort. God is sure to be there for you, He only asks for your heart to come near him...God is sure to love you more than anyone else. God bless us all! :)

Huwebes, Marso 27, 2014

A sweet sister, indeed



Sometimes you would never know how much you truly mean to someone till you learn his/her thoughts of you. Now this is a letter from my sweet kikay sister. HAHA <3



February 24 2014 Monday

      Hi ate Sum, Nasa school ako ngayon. Just sitting and writing on this notebook as if I’m talking to you. You know what , I’m so proud that I have a sister like you . Because you are talented and you’re one of my inspiration. Thank you kasi sa mga guides na sinasabi mo sakin natututo ako lumaban. I don’t even know why I’m writing this to you because you did not know me this way. Kanina nahuli kami ni ma’am maingay. Binigyan tuloy kami ng punishment. Tapos ngayon pinalabas yung mga iba samin at iba naman naiwan sa classroom. Isa ako sa naiwan, nagtataka ako bakit kaya? Una ko naisip yung mga naiwan babagsak,pero hindi rin eh ang dami ko kasamang genius. Pero hanggang inexplain sa samin ni teacher na hindi naman kami babagsak ang babaw nga ng dahilan eh. Yes,buti nalang di ako babagsak! ah feel so good. Ate you know what, nung last exam namin sabi no ma’am may bumagsak daw sa math akala ko ako yun kasi ang baba ng score ko sa math, kinabahan tuloy ako muntik na nga ako umiyak eh. Tinanong tuloy ako ng classmate ko “why are you crying?” pasimple naman ako “uy hindi ah hinahawakan ko lang naman mata ko eh.” Sabi ko, galling ko talaga magtago ng feelings noh dapat kasi ate sum nandito ka para d na ako mahihirapan sa studies baka ng pag ikaw nagturo sakin maging best in math pa kao eh da best ka kasi. Ate sum pag nandyan na ako concert tayo ha hehehe minsan tuloy naririnig ako ng iba nahiya tuloy ako hahaha. Dapat hindi mo nalang ito mabasa kasi baka sabihin moa ng oa ko or baka maweirdohan ka sakin. Sorry ha di ko alam spelling ng weird. Pero ate, aaminin ki sayo nung umalis ka dito at iniwan mo kami nalungkot ako syempre, umiyak pa nga ko nun di mo lang nakita, anyway ayoko rin naman ipakita sayo na umiiyak ako . pero ijust realized na nung umalis ka dito I just knew that I can stand alone without relying on you. And you even teach me to not just rely on others, but there is someone that you can rely on and and will never leave you no matter what happen, and it’s God. Kayanga di na ako magtataka kung bakit matibay kayo eh, dahil alam ko na malapit kayo sa panginoon. Ate sum pagnandyan na ako group hug tayo ha, kasi miss namiss na kita ngayopalang. Siguro pagnandian na ako masayang masaya na ako, kasi kasama na kita. I love you ate sum. Wow FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER nasabi koi to sayo hehehe…Godbless

 -youre sweet loving sister Cyrene